From “Getting There”:
We spend years and years of our lives discovering who we are, and it’s not a sudden realization, but one day you figure out who you are, that you are the type of person who likes to be in charge, or you are the type of person who likes to be given a list of tasks. Maybe you’re the type of person who can’t have fun unless you know that the other people around you are having fun, or maybe you’re the type of person who has fun no matter what. And if you’ve had enough therapy you’re okay with that, you’re okay knowing that this? This is who I am.
Lately a lot of things have been pushing me toward an edge. What edge, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I’m still not. But wherever this is, I’m standing here, looking down, looking up, looking back, and looking around, and trying to figure out which is the best way to go.
I spent this past year trying to do many things. First and foremost, I tried to be a good daughter and a good girlfriend. I tried to be a good dog-momma. I tried to be a good writer, and a good account manager. I tried to be a good friend. For a while I even tried to be a good dancer. What was I thinking?
But seriously, I tried to do a lot of things, and sometimes I succeeded at some of them, and sometimes I succeeded at none of them.
Before this year, I thought I had learned from my father not to try to do too much at once — to be the master of one trade instead of the jack of all. I thought I had learned from my mother to pursue your dreams and never think you’re not good enough, never get discouraged when you face setbacks.
What I really learned, at least this year, is that I still have a heck of a lot to learn. And as usual, I have to learn the hard way: by doing and experiencing for myself. By making mistakes.
But that’s okay, because now I know more about who I am. I am not the kind of person who can do everything — at least not well. I am the kind of person who wants to numb her mind with television every now and then. I am the kind of person who can’t cook to save her life. I am the kind of person who is willing but still sometimes afraid to go after her dreams.
And that’s okay.
Now that I know a little bit more about myself, I am setting new goals and reorganizing my priorities. I am making changes where change is needed. I am letting go of the bad, even if it means losing some good too. I am facing my fears head on — I am being Batman, as Andy would say.
So, cliché as it may be, I’m standing here on the edge of this cliff, and I’m going to leap. I’m going to have faith in myself, and leap.
And I’m pretty sure I’m going to fly.