Adam-
Haha! I love Google Ads.

We ran into a wedding at Karlsplatz cathedral in Vienna. It was pretty cool, we could see in the normally closed door.

But this could be because all my friends are either already married, or so far from ready to get married that it’s not even on anyone’s radar.

So I guess it’s a good thing I’m not getting married just yet, huh? Because you know I’d totally drive you insane with wedding talk. Just think, you have that to look forward to!

Erin-
LOL!

phhhst-
Haha, that’s one way to look at it. I’ll try to remind my credit card. ;)

Thanks!

Great photo.

– phhhst’s last blog post: WANTED

But yeah, I really think marriage/weddings should be about the two people in them, and pretty much no one else, so I can definitely understand your frustration. We actually face a lot of the opposite here, with so many people going, “Wait, you’ve dated for over 3 years and you’re not engaged? You’re almost 25 and not married?” I think it’s a Cincinnati thing…

The actual romantic and legal aspects of getting married don’t bother me. Bryan and I are “ready” — whatever people take that to mean — and besides, it makes sense to be legally bound. It’s this ironic dichotomy. We’ve been “adults” for some time now but getting married — that seals the adult deal for people and it freaks them out. Heck, it still freaks me out. Already some pushy family and family friends have asked us about our plans to reproduce, because clearly that is what must come next. EEK.

But I keep thinking of “getting married” as the necessary way to tell the world we’re serious about our commitment — because, apparently, we have to justify this to everyone. (Before we were engaged, people talked about Bryan and I in tentative “Oh, they might break up, let’s not think of them as being serious” terms, which just annoyed us, especially after we’d told a bunch of people about our level of commitment.) Because of this, we can’t do it in a simple City Hall deal, either (believe me, this was tossed around) because the ceremony is just something you have to do, apparently. It’s so built up and artificial (hence our decision to go small and simple but it’s something that’s expected and *sigh* we’ve just got to do it. But we’re doing it our way, convention be damned, and I’m excited for that.

Even so, the community and societal aspects freak me out and have been weighing on me this past year and a half of our engagement. Our society has finally gotten to a point where it’s okay for a person to get married in their thirties or forties (and on) or simply not get married at all; this has led to our being pressured to “wait.” “Why?” I ask. Those commentors hesitate. “Because people just don’t get married at your age.” Don’t they? As you say, Kristan, the evidence of people we know getting married is everywhere.

There was a time, not so long ago, when women went to college simply to get married — or didn’t go at all and instead got married. Bryan and I have gotten some interestingly mixed reactions across the spectrum about our getting married at 23/24, not the least of which were my parents (who got married at 25) being surprised and cautious, initially. People seem to think our decision to get married “so young” will have a negative impact on my independence (they clearly don’t know me), or they don’t understand why we can’t just wait for another few years. Wait another few years for whom? For their comfort to catch up with our relationship? Eventually it got to the point of us saying, “We’re ready to do it, so you all who aren’t ready for us to do it will just have to get over yourselves.” It’s somewhat barbaric, putting it in those terms. I hate that I’ve had to justify this wedding to skeptics as often as I’ve received well wishes from supporters.

All in all, I just want it over with so I can go back to worrying about why my DVR doesn’t work because I want to record Hercules!!