Today I am so tired that I am on the verge of tears for no reason at all. Why am I tired, you ask? Because I have been staying up until 1 a.m. trying to squeeze more writing time into my day. Not just once or twice, but for weeks now. How is that working out, you ask?
*bursts into tears*
Needless to say, something’s gotta give, and it ain’t gonna be sleep. Not anymore. My physical and emotional wellbeing simply can’t tolerate this. Which makes me feel like total weaksauce, by the way. But it is what it is, and I am who I am.
So. What now? I think, like learning to embrace my inner turtle, I am going to have to learn to listen to my mind and my body, to treat them well so that they can perform at their best. I mean, staying up an extra 2 hours doesn’t do me any good if all I can do is yawn, squint at my screen, and produce nothing but typos.
This puts me back at square one: self-discipline. Maybe it’s not about more hours in the day, maybe it’s about better use of the hours I have. Maybe I should spend less time commenting on blogs, and more time writing. Maybe I should do yoga while I watch TV, instead of sitting on the couch like a bump on a log. Maybe I should eat fruit instead of chocolate. Maybe I should play piano again.
I don’t know for sure if doing these things will help me to focus and to endure the (surprising) physical strains of sitting at the computer so long. But I believe they will. I believe that when we take care of ourselves, we become stronger, more capable, invigorated. I believe that I may have been going about this the wrong way (for me), and that I need to trust my instincts when they tell me to change course. I believe that I can achieve this dream, and soon. I believe that it’s okay to stumble, as long as you brush it off and keep on going.
So my knees are scraped up, I’m covered in sweat, and I’m thirsty as hell. But I can see that finish line, and damn if I’m going down now.