Month: December 2017

Week in Review (Dec 31, 2017)

Ho-ho-home for the holidays

My parents were here for a week to celebrate the holidays with us and IB. Everyone except the baby was sick to some degree, and the weather has been amazingly cold, but other than that, it was really nice. I love watching my parents with my child, and vice versa. Their bond warms my heart in a way that’s hard to explain.

Late-night binge-watching

I took advantage of the extra help with IB, and the lack of obligations, to indulge in staying up late and catching up on a couple shows in my queue.

Earlier this year Netflix released the 6th and final season of Longmire. I can’t even remember why I started watching this show, but I do know that the compelling cast and characters, along with the unique setting — small town Wyoming, near a Cheyenne reservation — quickly won my interest.

(Oh wait, just remembered: I think I started watching because of Katee Sackhoff, who I loved in Battlestar Galatica.)

This last season of Longmire brought back a lot of past storylines that I didn’t fully remember, but I managed to catch on quickly enough. The plot was less important to me than the characters anyway, and from that standpoint, I found the conclusion to be quite satisfying. The final episode in particular did a great job of closing the loop on the emotional arcs that have been building over the past six years, yet still setting each character up for the next chapter of their story.

As a woman, and as a mother, Vic’s traumas touched me deeply. As did her resilience and growth.

Speaking of womanhood, motherhood, and trauma… Big Little Lies was intense. Phenomenal in every aspect — writing, acting, music, mystery, atmosphere — the show turned a keen eye on the lives and troubles of privileged women. The little ways we cut each other down. But also the little ways we care for one another, and build each other back up.

If I may offer a compliment and a warning all at once: The depiction of an abusive relationship was masterful, important, and profoundly uncomfortable at times.

My only disappointment in BLL was with its lack of diversity. Here’s hoping they find a way to remedy that in their second season.

Related recommended reading

“We Have to Change the Idea That a Woman With Ambition Is Out Only for Herself” by Reese Witherspoon

All we can do to create change is work hard. That’s my advice: Just do what you do well. If you’re a producer, you’ve got to produce. If you’re a writer, you’ve got to write. If you’re in corporate America, keep working hard to bust through the glass ceiling. If you want our voices to be represented in government—and I think we’re all getting behind that idea now—encourage women to run and help them with their campaigns. If you are one of those people who has that little voice in the back of her mind saying, “Maybe I could do [fill in the blank],” don’t tell it to be quiet. Give it a little room to grow, and try to find an environment it can grow in.

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Week in Review (Dec 23, 2017)

Life is a zoo

I’ll probably do a separate post reflecting on how my writing has gone this year, but the short version is: Motherhood is even more demanding than I anticipated.

More wonderful, as well.

IB is 14 months old and changing constantly. Her growth is both miraculous and bittersweet. Sometimes I wish she could stay small forever. But mostly her development is just amazing to watch. A month ago, we took her to the zoo, and while she seemed to enjoy people-watching, that was about the extent of her appreciation. Then on Thursday, we took her back to the zoo, and this time she babbled and pointed at the animals, climbed up the playground equipment, and even slid down (face-first!) by herself.

Shows I’m loving

The Good Place is delightful beyond words. I love the entire cast of characters, each so quirky and endearing in their own ways. (Chidi is the best, though.) I also have mad respect for the writing, which somehow seamlessly mixes comedy, philosophy, cleverness, and heart.

This Is Us does all of that too, albeit in a very different way. I’ve talked about this show before, and it’s still at the top of my list. While the whole family tree is great, Randall and Beth are far and away my favorite branch. (And not just because they remind me of Andy and myself!)

Both shows fill me with joy and hope, and generally make me feel like maybe humankind isn’t so terrible after all. Which is urgently needed these days.

You are what you read

As a mother, I do a lot of reading, but most of it isn’t for myself. (I can recite any number of Sandra Boynton books by heart, at this point.) In the past couple months, though, I’ve come to realize — or rather, remember — how vital reading for pleasure is to me, and thus I’ve tried to make more time for it. Here is what’s on my nightstand for current and future consumption.

  • What Happened by Hillary Clinton
  • Starfish by Akemi Dawn Bowman
  • Here We Are Now by Jasmine Warga
  • This Is Really Happening by Erin Chack
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LANDLINE by Rainbow Rowell

I first read LANDLINE back in 2014, shortly before my wedding. This was intentional, as I knew the book focused on marriage — what it’s like and what it means. Not that I was totally clueless about those things. Andy and I had been together for 9 years already, and living together for the vast majority of that time. For us, the wedding was sort of a formality, albeit a joyful one.

Last year I re-read LANDLINE (the audiobook version this time) and found myself drawn to many of the same insights about love and commitment and building a life together.

She hadn’t gotten to say “I love you” — Georgie always said “I love you,” and Neal always said it back, no matter how perfunctory it was. It was a safety check, proof that they were both still in this thing.

Andy says “I love you” to me every morning before he leaves for work. In some ways, it’s perfunctory. In same ways, it isn’t at all.

Georgie never thought she’d be old enough to talk about life in big decade-long chunks like this.

It’s not that she’d thought she was going to die before now — she just never imagined it would feel this way. The heaviness of the proportions. Twenty years with the same dream. Seventeen with the same man.

Pretty soon she’d have been with Neal longer than she’d been without him. She’d know herself as his wife better than she’d ever known herself as anyone else.

It felt like too much. Not too much to have, just too much to contemplate. Commitments like boulders that were too heavy to carry.

It astounds me that Andy and I have already spent about a third of our lives together. Before long, it will be half. And then more than half…

Neal was where Georgie plugged in, and synced up, and started fresh every day. He was the only one who knew her exactly as she was.

I actually think Andy feels even more this way about me than I do about him?

“Just because you love someone,” she said, “that doesn’t mean your lives will fit together.”

“Nobody’s lives just fit together,” Neal said. “Fitting together is something you work at. It’s something you make happen — because you love each other.”

“I’m not saying that everything will magically work out if people love each other enough… I’m just saying,” he went on, “maybe there’s no such thing as enough.”

Even though Andy and I have a pretty healthy and functional relationship, I try not to take it for granted. I try to remember that, as natural and “easy” as it feels now, getting to this point did take some work, and staying the course will too.

OK, I’m going to present the rest of these excerpts without my commentary. I think Rainbow’s words capture and convey everything all on their own anyway.

You don’t know when you’re twenty-three.

You don’t know what it really means to crawl into someone else’s life and stay there. You can’t see all the ways you’re going to get tangled, how you’re going to bond skin to skin. How the idea of separating will feel in five years, in ten — in fifteen. When Georgie thought about divorce now, she imagined lying side by side with Neal on two operating tables while a team of doctors tried to unthread their vascular systems.

She didn’t know at twenty-three.

“How’d you know he was the one?”

“I didn’t know. I don’t think either of us knew.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “Neal knew — he proposed to you.”

“It’s not like that,” Georgie said. “You’ll see. It’s more like you meet someone, and you fall in love, and you hope that that person is the one — and then at some point, you have to put down your chips. You just have to make a commitment and hope that you’re right.”

“No one else describes it that way.” Heather frowned. “Maybe you’re doing it wrong.”

Obviously I’m doing it wrong,” Georgie said. “But I still think love feels that way for most people.”

“So you think most people bet everything, their whole lives, on hope. Just hoping that what they’re feeling is real.”

“Real isn’t relevant,” Georgie said, turning completely to face Heather. “It’s like… you’re tossing a ball between you, and you’re just hoping you can keep it in the air. And it has nothing to do with whether you love each other or not. If you didn’t love each other, you wouldn’t be playing this stupid game with the ball. you love each other — and you just hope you can keep the ball in play.”

“What’s the ball a metaphor for?”

“I’m not sure,” Georgie said. “The relationship. Marriage.”

“I take for granted that you’ll be there when I’m done doing whatever it is I’m doing. I take for granted that you’ll love me no matter what.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Neal, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “I want you to take that for granted. I will love you no matter what.”

Georgie felt herself sliding out of control again. “Don’t say that. Take it back.”

“No.”

“Take it back.”

“You’re crazy,” he said. “No.”

“If you say that, it’s like you’re telling me that all the insensitive things I do are okay. It’s like you’re just handing me ‘no matter what.’ You’re pre-pardoning me.”

“That’s what love is, Georgie. Accidental damage protection.”

The future was going to happen, even if he wasn’t ready for it. Even if he was never ready for it.

At least he could make sure he was with the right person.

Wasn’t that the point of life? To find someone to share it with?

And if you got that part right, how far wrong could you go? If you were standing next to the person you loved more than everything else, wasn’t everything else just scenery?

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