kristan hoffman

kristanhoffman.com

Original fiction (including web series Twenty-Somewhere)
and blog by writer (and future author) Kristan Hoffman

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Kristan also blogs at

Just Between Us
The Dieline
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Disney Recap: Day 4 - Animal Kingdom and the Boardwalk

Thursday September 25, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

Yes, believe it or not, there are more days from Disney that I have not discussed. But only two. And I’ll go fast, because Animal Kingdom is mostly about the visuals anyway.

Day 4 - Animal Kingdom and the Boardwalk

This is the Tree of Life, the centerpiece of Animal Kingdom. It’s pretty sweet, what with the ANIMALS CARVED INTO THE TRUNK and all. There is also a sweet Bug’s Life-inspired 3D show inside it. Yes, INSIDE the tree.

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First thing we did was the African safari, because we wanted to catch all the critters before it got hot and they wanted to nap. Of course, we forgot that they are critters and therefore like to nap ALL THE TIME. Fortunately we still got to see some.

King of the Jungle.

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Baby elephant + baobab tree.

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Antelope-like things.

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We also did the walking safari of Asia, i.e., saw more animals napping. Like these tigers.

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The meerkats were pretty alert, though. As was the bunny in the habitat with them. Said bunny obviously does not realize he is in ASIA.

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We also got to meet a few animals in person. Like Tarzan’s friend Turk, and Andy’s favorite Disney character, JC aka Jiminy Cricket.

Note the awesome souvenir Mickey ears we got as our SECOND Dream Come True!

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Later we went BACK to the African safari, because Andy is really just a bigger version of a 12-year-old boy, and that was his favorite thing of the day. (Like I’m one to talk. Just see what we did on Day 5 when I post about it tomorrow…)

Speaking of faves, this is a baby giraffe. This “baby” is probably like five times my size. And all sorts of gangly and awkward. I heart giraffes.

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Really big rhino.

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Ostrich. Who was in the road. In front of our vehicle. And did not care.

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Just before Animal Kingdom closed, we stopped into Tusker House for our dinner, and let me tell you, that African-influenced buffet was delicious! I particularly loved the passionfruit pastry they had for dessert. And the hummus. Mmm, hummus…

We ended the night by taking the ferryboat over to Disney’s Boardwalk resort, which is right across from the Swan and Dolphin resorts, where my parents and I stayed fifteen years ago. I know this because I still have in my possession MANY complimentary toiletries with swans on them.

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This Day at Disney was brought to you by Capital Letters. ALL OF THEM. Because I know how much Angie loves them. (And I’m too lazy to hit Ctrl-I. Seriously, just holding Shift is so much easier.)

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Disney Recap: Day 3 - Epcot and Downtown Disney

Thursday September 18, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

Before Ike, there was Hannah. And before Hannah, there was Gustav. And in between Gustav and Hannah, there was Stan and Andy. In Florida. At Disney World.

Yes, we went during hurricane season because it’s cheaper. Andy’s a money saver (for a living!) and I’m a poor writer, so it made sense. And you know what? The weather rocked. It was sunny and upwards of 90 degrees for four of the five days of our trip. Only on Friday was there even a hint of gray in the skies. So we grabbed our umbrellas and headed for Epcot, also known as the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. There we…

Got a preview of our future at the Spaceship Earth.

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(Apparently in the future I will wear my hair in a bun. How Asian of me!)

Experienced the ONLY rain of our whole trip, and lasted about fifteen minutes.

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Visited China, Germany, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Africa, Canada, Morocco, Great Britain, Scandinavia, and colonial America, via the World Showcase. (Not in that order, and only China is pictured below.)

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Found Nemo.

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Got dressed up for a lovely and DELICIOUS dinner at Artist’s Point in the Wilderness Lodge. Mmm buffalo. Mmm scallops.

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AND BOUGHT MY CROCS AT DOWNTOWN DISNEY!!!

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Ah what a good day…

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Ike update

Saturday September 13, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

My parents (who live in the Galleria area) are without power and have been since late last night, but the house is intact. There’s some water leaking in from the skylights, but no flooding. The street is filled with water and it’s still raining, but so far it hasn’t crept up the driveway. The trees are all upright, although they’ve lost many branches big and small. They won’t be able to check on the office (just off US 59 near where it intersects with Westpark) until the water recedes from the street, but overall, it sounds like they’re relatively okay.

Since they don’t have power and can’t recharge their cell phones, I got off after about 10 minutes, but I’ll check in with them periodically throughout the day. Thank goodness for technology.

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Thoughts on Ike

Saturday September 13, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

(Originally posted at JBU.)

I’m anxious to talk to my parents and see how they fared through Ike (both our house and our office) but it’s too early to call them, seeing as they probably didn’t sleep too well last night.

Meanwhile, as I read news updates and look at pictures of the damage, I’m amazed by the lack of sympathy I see in the comments. People lambasting those who stayed behind. How can we criticize people when we don’t know the reasons or the circumstances behind their decisions? They assume stupidity and stubbornness, but maybe there’s cause for staying behind. Maybe a young couple lives alone and doesn’t speak English and doesn’t know the severity of the storm. Maybe a family has no way to transport their seven young children and four pets. Maybe an elderly man has to evacuate not only himself, but also a roomful of medical equipment that regulates his heart and kidneys at home so he doesn’t have to live the rest of his life in a hospital. Maybe a woman just built a new house that she not only believes can stand up to the storm, but also wants to ensure doesn’t get blown to bits because she spent her life savings on it. I don’t know. It could be anything. I’m not saying everyone has a good reason, but until I am asked to pick up and leave from my home, to find relatives or a hotel or anywhere to stay that’s hours away from where I grew up, to pack only the “essentials” and leave everything else (my photo albums, my piano, my books) behind, until then, I won’t judge those who stayed. I will only hope for their safety, and the safety of those professionals whose job it is to help the people of their community.

.

What does bother me are the people who were saying, “Bring it Ike!” etc. Because, you know, we needed it to be worse than it already was.

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Disney Recap: Day 2 - Magic Kingdom

Friday September 12, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

(No Foto Friday this week, since all these Disney recaps are pretty image-heavy.)

Day 2 of our Magical Disney Vacation was reserved for Magic Kingdom, probably the most iconic of the four parks at Disney World. Tomorrowland and Fantasyland had Extended Magic Hours that morning, so we got an early start. Unfortunately the first ride we did was Stitch’s Great Escape, in which you get blasted with warm chili breath. Seriously, the technology is amazing, but the application left something to be desired. Andy was pretty amused, but I can think of about eighty billion better ways to begin the day.

The rest of Tomorrowland was neat though, with my fave being the tram ride that takes you all around — and even inside — some of Tomorrowland’s rides, including Space Mountain. Then when we actually rode Space Mountain, we were presented with a dream!

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Since it’s Disney’s Year of a Million Dreams (well, really second Year of a Million Dreams) they go around giving a few random people freebies and calling them “dreams come true.” We got TWO!! This was our first, and it essentially let us cut to the front of the line of the most popular rides in the Magic Kingdom. Sweet, huh?

Unrelated but amusing, this Tomorrowland talking trash can totally freaked out a little girl coming out of the restroom.

In Fantasyland, I convinced Andy to do the classic Mad Tea Party ride by promising not to spin our teacup too much. (Wuss.)

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We also did the “it’s a small world” boat ride, which was probably my clearest memory from going to Disney World with my parents as a child. Most of my pictures came out blurry, since I hadn’t yet found the best setting for these dark, high-activity situations, but hey, I got Spain!

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After the rest of Magic Kingdom opened, we made our way to Liberty Square, where we apparently committed some heinous crime and had to be punished.

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(Note: I am so short I cannot even stand in the stocks properly. Extra humiliation.)

After Liberty Square and Frontierland, we checked out the “inside” of Cinderella’s Castle, which turned out to be a big hallway with beautiful mosaics of the Disney princess fairy tales. There’s definitely more in the upper levels, but that hallway, a sit-down restaurant, and the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique were all that was accessible to the general public.

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At some point between the Castle and Adventureland, I began to question whether my Old Navy flip flops were really going to get me through this whole trip. Seeing as my feet were ready to fall off and it was only Day 2, the odds weren’t looking good. And so began our epic quest for Kristan’s Crocs. The color combo I liked best was aqua and yellow, but apparently that was only for kids, and small as I may seem, I was sadly unable to squish my feet into a size 5. So we began to stop at every kiosk and gift shop and examine their Croc selection, hoping against hope that a new adult color combo would show up. None did.

Perhaps that is why, at our fabulous character dinner with Winnie the Pooh and friends, I had an Eeyore face.

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Overall Magic Kingdom was geared much more towards small-ish children than the other three parks, but it was still fun to see all the iconic Disney World attractions. After dinner we caught the SpectroMagic parade and Wishes fireworks show, and then headed home for some much-needed, well-deserved sleep.

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Disney Recap: Day 1 - Hollywood Studios

Wednesday September 10, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

On Tuesday night, we reluctantly dropped Riley off for his six-night stay at the Pet Spot and then consoled ourselves with delicious City BBQ. I don’t remember what else we did that night, but I do remember Andy not being able to sleep because he was like a five-year-old on Christmas Eve, and I do remember waking up at 5:30 am (30 min before the alarm was set to go off) because even my unconscious was worried about not being ready to leave at exactly 6:30 am, when ever-punctual, paranoid Andy wanted to go.

The flight there was smooth as can be, and we arrived without problem to Orlando International Airport. The Disney Magical “Express” was not as magical or express as the name would lead you to believe — you have to wait in line to check in to Disney, then wait in line to board the chartered bus — but it was definitely convenient. We stayed at the All-Star Sports resort (anyone who knows Andy is not surprised by that, for a multitude of reasons) and had no problem checking in. Well, except for them saying internet was neither free nor wireless. I was like, Seriously? In the 21st century? At Disney, the most magical place on earth? How can you be magical without free wifi? And the check-in clerk was like, Yes, seriously.

Anyway, with half a day to play, we headed over to Hollywood Studios, the smallest of Disney World’s four parks, but I think my favorite. The highlights were as follows:

Tower of Terror (duh), Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n Rollercoaster, and Midway Mania, the new “4D” Toy Story game. Midway Mania was the only ride on our whole vacation with a longer than 20-min wait (at about 45-60 min) but it was totally awesome and so, SO worth it.

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This is Andy demonstrating proper Midway Mania dress and form. You pull the rope back from the blaster to shoot at targets on the screen in front of you, targets made 3D via the very cool yellow classes. Now, you’re not actually shooting anything — it’s all infrared or something — but the accuracy and responsiveness is amazing. And you’re actually on a track going around to five or six different shooting screens/scenarios. Did I mention TOTALLY AWESOME?!

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Later we checked out several good exhibits, including One Man’s Dream, about Walt Disney and how he went from cartoonist to inventor, entrepreneur, and corporate genius. After reading more about him, I really believe he had a huge, good heart.

We also ran into WALL-E, and of course I couldn’t resist giving the little guy a kiss.

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For dinner we went to the Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater, which simulates an old drive-in and plays clips from sci-fi movies and cartoons. Random, but fun.

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The night ended with Fantasmic, a lights/fireworks/musical spectacular.

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It was a great day and a great start to a great trip. (Did I mention great?!) The whole day I kept experiencing (and bugging Andy with talk about) deja vu, because I’d come before with my parents, but my seven-year-old view had distorted some things. It was fun/ny to see how the pieces of my memory lined up — or didn’t — with reality.

Stay tuned for Day 2…

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We’re baaack!

Monday September 8, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

Disney World rocks. More on that later, probably.

For now I’ve resigned myself to not getting much writing done today, as I try to settle back into normal, non-”magical” life.

When we got home last night, Potato was all, “DUDE. I can’t believe the dog got to go to a swank hotel and play with his friends all day, and you just left me here with a handful of crickets and meal worms. You guys suck.” And we were all, “But we love you because you’re the easy one.” And she was all, “… Oh fine.”

Then this morning I picked Riley up from the Pet Spot, and he was all, “OMG YOU’RE BACK I THOUGHT YOU LEFT ME FOREVER BUT YOU DIDN’T AND NOW I’M GOING TO JUMP ALL OVER YOU AND LICK YOUR FACE AND HEY DO YOU WANT TO GO PLAY WITH PUPPIES IT’S LOTS OF FUN WHERE’S DAD ARE WE GOING HOME NOW CAN I HAVE FOOD I NEED TO PEE!”

Now he’s passed out on the bed (taking up ALL of it, of course) and I’m doing laundry, cleaning, reading the eight zillion things online that I missed, and wondering what the heck I’m going to make for lunch out of the Club crackers, apples, and soy sauce that we have in the kitchen.

Oh life.

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A real life happy ending

Thursday August 14, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

I went to this page to support a friend; I was pleasantly surprised to get a good story, too.

Madeline DeGrace’s Fundraising Home Page

I’ve only met her a few times (including once in Spain!) but even in those brief meetings I could tell that Marci’s mom was as wonderful and strong as Marci says — if not more so.

And how could I not like someone with the same first name as my first novel’s protagonist?

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More reading about writing

Saturday July 26, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal, Reading/Writing

Tonight I dropped Andy off at the airport because he is spending the next week in Germany on business. In truth, I’m lucky: thanks to his summer intern Raunaq, he had to cut what was originally a two-week business trip in half so that he could be here for Raunaq’s final presentation and evaluation. Thank you, Raunaq! (Who doesn’t read this blog, I’m sure…)

Anyway, I thought this would be easier than last year’s one-week trip to Germany, because now we have Riley, and the BlackBerry (free international calls!), and Netflix. And I guess is is easier. But it’s still not easy. However stupid that is.

(Yes, I know he’s coming back, and yes, I know it’s only a week. Facts and feelings are not always aligned, you know?)

To stave off the loneliness, I watched a couple episodes of Hannah Montana, the last half of 10 Things I Hate About You, and all of Monster-In-Law. (Mmm, Michael Vartan…)

Then I went back to the thing that got me through my whole only-child-hood, the thing that made me never feel lonely growing up: reading.

So continuing my earlier post about letters from established writers to us young hopefuls (as published in Atlantic Monthly), here are a few excerpts from “To a Young Writer” by Wallace Stegner (the guy who founded the creative writing program at Stanford University):

For one thing, you never took writing to mean self-expression, which means self-indulgence. You understood from the beginning that writing is done with words and sentences, and you spent hundreds of hours educating your ear, writing and rewriting and rewriting until you began to handle words in combination as naturally as one changes tones with the tongue and lips in whistling. I speak respectfully of this part of your education because every year I see students who will not submit to it—who have only themselves to say and who are bent upon saying it without concessions to the English language. In acknowledging that the English language is a difficult instrument, and that a person who sets out to use it expertly has no alternative but to learn it, you did something else: you forced yourself away from that obsession with self that is the strength of a very few writers and the weakness of so many. You have labored to put yourself in charge of your material; you have not fallen for the romantic fallacy that it is virtue to be driven by it. By submitting to language you submitted to other disciplines, you learned distance and detachment, you learned how to avoid muddying a story with yourself.

How often the writing of young writers is a way of asserting a personality that isn’t yet there, that is only being ravenously hunted for.

… how love lasts, but changes, how life is full of heats and frustrations, causes and triumphs, and death is cool and quiet. It does not sound like much, summarized, and yet it embodies everything you believe about yourself and about human life and at least some aspects of the people you have most loved. In your novel, anguish and resignation are almost in balance. Your people live on the page and in the memory because they have been loved and therefore have been richly imagined.

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Just a little R&R

Thursday July 10, 2008 - filed Filed under: Personal

Because the past couple of months have been extremely hectic and stressful for Andy at work–and because I, you know, do stuff–we’ve decided we should take a relaxing vacation together, just the two of us, no animals, no family.

So of course we spent all of last night banging our heads against the walls trying to figure out where to go, how to get there, what to do, and how much it will all cost.

Relaxation, here we come!

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