Tag: IB

Six months, a lifetime

IB 5 months 001

My little IB is 6 months old today. I don’t know where the time went.

Or maybe I do. It’s weird how time works now, at least in regards to my daughter. She is always and everything.

She is always going to be the little wiggleworm I carried inside me for nine months. She is always going to be the sillywill that chomps on our knuckles and smiles at everybody. She is always going to be the girl who asks me to French braid her hair and snuggles with us while watching football. She is always going to be the middle schooler who does homework at the kitchen counter while her dad cooks dinner. She is always going to be the teenager who I drive to soccer games and movies with her friends. She is always going to be the college student who texts instead of calls, and brings her boyfriend home for the holidays.

She is then and now and someday. Every moment all at once. Everything that has already happened, and everything that is still possible.

I didn’t know it would be like this.

It’s funny how normal, and how miraculous, this is.

 

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Little steps

Valentine's Day 004

For the past two nights, my little girl has slept the whole night in her crib in her nursery by herself. It wasn’t exactly planned, but we knew it was on the horizon. She is getting too long for the bassinet we keep by our bed, plus she has become a pretty good sleeper, and I was starting to feel (or at least wonder if) we were disturbing her more often than the other way around.

Part of me is wistful about the change. Even though we had to keep a light on and a fan running, it was nice to have her next to me. I could just peek over at her sweet face anytime I wanted.

But a bigger part of me knows that this is best for her, and that’s what’s most important. That’s what growing up is. Little steps toward independence.

Luckily we’ve still got a long way to go.

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Resolve

On January 1, 2016, I was in the midst of trying to get pregnant. I wouldn’t have called it a new year’s resolution, haha, but it was definitely a priority. Now I have an amazing little girl, a living symbol of my love and luck, dozing beside me as I write this.

When she was born, my mother told me that I would have to work harder than ever, so that my daughter would be proud of me. At the time, I rolled my eyes, slightly annoyed. But my mom was right. I do want IB to be proud of me. I want to set a good example for her. I want to show her that dreams are worth working for. And, hopefully, that they can be achieved.

To that end, I have just one resolution for this year. In 2017, I am going to finish a new manuscript. Even if I have to write the whole thing with one hand in the Notes app of my iPhone. (No, really. That’s the only way I’ve gotten anything done with a newborn so far.)

Writing a book doesn’t mean selling a book doesn’t mean making a lot of money or getting good reviews or launching a successful lifelong career. I cannot control those things. I can only control one thing: the words I put on the page. But that’s where everything else starts. That’s the most important part.

There are other things I want to do this year — travel, read, exercise — but only two will take pieces of my heart. Only two will make pieces of my heart. My writing and my daughter. I hereby resolve to give them everything I’ve got.

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Adapting

The past couple months have been a whirlwind, both personally and politically. For better or worse, the personal has kept me from dwelling too much on the political.

In typical newborn fashion, my little IB demands nearly all of my time, energy, and attention. It’s a big change, this shift from Person to Also Parent. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on it, the kid enters a new phase, throwing things out of alignment again.

“Every day is a different beast,” as my friend Ben said. (He has 5 children, so I assume he knows what he’s talking about.) I’m doing my best to adapt. Finding time for myself — and for my writing — in the spaces between IB’s needs.

One thing I’ve really been enjoying is capturing little moments every day. I’m compiling them privately in a sort of digital baby book for IB. One picture a day, accompanied by a few thoughts or observations. I might try something like that here too. We’ll see.

A new normal. I feel like we’re all searching for that right now.

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Due date

Today is the day we were told to expect our little girl. But there are no calendars in the womb, and she decided to show up two weeks early. Surprise!

She’s tiny and amazing, and I am oh so tired. The whole universe has shifted. My heart grows every day.

She already has a dozen nicknames, most of them adorable nonsense. I don’t plan to blog about her a lot, but when I do, I’ll probably just use her initials, IB.

For now my life is lived in three-hour increments, in between her feedings. And I’m doing almost everything on my phone, or otherwise one-handedly. It changes the shape of things, even my words. It will be interesting to see what kind of writing comes out of this. If any. Have I mentioned how tired I am?

I’m still trying, though.

Because just look at that face, you guys. I want to give her everything. I want to make her proud.

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