The list goes on and on. It’s a wonder that anyone can get in a car and go somewhere when we’re supposed to follow so many rules at the same time. But the human brain is an amazing thing, and people drive all the time with no problem.

(Well, some people drive all the time with lots of problems. I honk at those people.)

Anyway, writing is kind of similar. You have to mind your punctuation, spell things correctly, match your nouns and verbs, organize thoughts into sentences, organize sentences into paragraphs… The list goes on and on.

But these are the mechanics of writing, and after a while, they become second nature, just like using your turn signal or obeying a red light. (Yes, those should be second nature!)

What’s harder to remember is how to tell a good story. Probably because there are so many different ways to accomplish that. Now, I’m hardly an expert, but back at the Kenyon Review workshop, I did learn about 3 things that have really improved my storytelling: Object, Conflict, and the Ticking Clock.

The Object is something threaded throughout a story that the reader can follow. The Object can be an actual thing (like a watch) or a place (like a park) or it can even be a secondary character (like a pet pig). Usually the Object is important to the story or the story’s themes.

Conflict can come about in a variety of ways. We know the English teacher definition (Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, Man vs. God, etc.). But simply put, Conflict is when a character wants something and can’t get it. An easy way to create Conflict is to put another character into the scene/story. Even better, put TWO characters in.

The Ticking Clock is similar to Conflict in that it adds tension, but it isn’t a hindrance to the character’s goal. It merely adds urgency.

Here’s an example of what Object, Conflict, and a Ticking Clock can do for a story:

Olivia ran to the lab.
Olivia ran to the lab to find the blue vial.
Olivia ran to the lab to find the blue vial before Gallagher.
Olivia ran to the lab to find the blue vial before Gallagher could poison Isaac with it.

The last sentence is a bit more exciting than the first, no?

Not every scene/story is going to have all 3 elements, but if you ever find yourself stuck, try looking for an Object in your story, or try putting one in. Try adding another character (or two) to the scene. Try a Ticking Clock. You might be surprised at how quickly things get interesting, and interesting scenes/stories are the ones that suck us in, both as writers and as readers.

(Note: Despite my analogy, I do not recommend adding an Object, Conflict, or Ticking Clock to your driving.)

• This one’s a little short notice (sorry!) but the Kenyon Review is running their annual short story contest through Feb 28th. Final judge is Louise Erdrich, and grand prize is publication AND a scholarship to their 2010 writing workshop. I went to the workshop in 2009 and loved it.
• My friend Mary just started a new blog called Out of Texas (“and into the rest of the world!” – hehe, so cute). Unfortunately the shiny fun newness of it is making me want a Tumblr too. Because, you know, I don’t have enough social media outlets. o_O MUST RESIST.
• The fantabulous Kiersten White and Natalie Whipple participated in a round-table with two other writers, and the resulting discussion CHARMED MY PANTS OFF. (Not literally. Or at least not that I’m admitting to.) It also introduced me to Sean Ferrell, a friendly, funny guy whose book Numb sounds awesome.
• Sigriddaughter’s 7th Glass Woman contest is seeking short fiction and creative nonfiction submissions from female writers. I actually know, via WritingForums.com, the woman who won last year. I had even critiqued her piece there! We’re not BFF or anything, but it was totally cool (and a little surreal) to read her piece and realize I already knew it. It also makes the possibility of winning seem more real/attainable, you know?
• And last but definitely not least, Writer Unboxed is looking for an unpublished writer to contribute monthly. WU is a great resource for writers of all genres, and features a rotating panel of authors, from YA writer Kathleen Bolton, to NYTimes Bestseller Allison Winn Scotch, to podcast-to-book deal extraordinaire J.C. Hutchins. Click here for details on how to apply, and yes, I’ll be tossing my hat into the ring.

Okay, now back to my regularly scheduled work/writing/Olympics-watching mayhem. (PS: How awesome was Yu-Na Kim last night?! And Mirai is just adorable. I can’t wait to see the free skate programs tonight.)

WIP update: I’ve written Chapter 1 and have been wrestling Chapter 2 for days. Yesterday I finally got him in a headlock, and today he’s going down for the count! Then it’s on to Chapter 3…

1. LOVING Erin Danehy’s young adult steampunk-ish fantasy manuscript. I don’t want to jinx it with any crazy predictions, but it’s good, y’all. Really good. Definitely shelf-worthy, if you catch my drift.
2. Querying, and thus rejection. Yes, I got my first rejection from an agent today. I was disappointed because she seems like a great agent, but I didn’t take it personally or anything. I just turned around and sent 3 more queries out. That makes a total of 10, which I think is a good “resting place” for now.
3. Drinking Airborne. Yesterday my lymph nodes started to feel swollen and uncomfortable, so I think I might be battling a cold or something. No fun.
4. Itching to write! (Note: This is a totally different kind of disease, which I never try to fight.) Last night I took the prologue and first chapter of my young adult supernatural manuscript to my writing group, and they were extremely complimentary and encouraging. It’s such a great feeling, that high you get when you realize that something you’ve written has really pleased people. But! I already put that book aside to work on a different book. And then I put that book aside to work on this new one. And this new one is still in the planning stages! So: I want to write, but it’s not time yet. Boo. Hopefully this weekend I can scratch the itch…

Things that are not happening:

1. Planning the new book. I mean, it was happening, but I hit a snag. Last night as I was falling asleep, I thought of a huge problem with my new world, and I have yet to solve it. Grr.
2. Thinking of good blog ideas. Obviously. I keep wanting to talk about the progress I’m making on my new book, but oh yeah, see #1 above. Sigh. Instead I may post the last of the short pieces that I wrote at the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop, since I haven’t managed to place it into any magazines for publication.
3. Your face.

To that end, I have a confession to make: I’ve started a new book. I’m excited about it, so if you think it sounds stupid, please don’t tell me.

In a nutshell:

A twenty-something couple seeking adventure in order to revive their stale relationship gets more than they bargained for when they are whisked away to a strange and possibly dangerous other world.

Think Alice in Wonderland meets Princess Bride meets Spirited Away meets real life. Or something like that. I’m only 2,200 words in right now, but I’ve hit my word goal every day this week, so I’m feeling pretty good. I’m also going to employ alpha readers on this project, and it’s the first time I’ve ever had alphas (well, besides my thesis adviser Hilary Masters) so I’ll talk more about that next week.

In other news, my friend J—- (I’ll fill her name in later if she gives me permission) has started blogging flash fiction once a week at 52 Tales. J—- is awesome, and a very talented writer! (We met at the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop.) Most of her current tales are about Austen Clark, a California lawyer who ran away to Micronesia for some mysterious reason involving a sawed off shotgun. There’s humor and adventure and even (I’m anticipating) a little romance. It’s like LOST, but without plane wrecks or polar bears or time travel or crazy conspiracies! In other words, not very much like LOST at all, except that it’s set on a cool island and is fabulous. Check it out.

Another friend, Mandy, recently blogged about how everyone’s pressuring her to get a backup plan. See, she recently quit her job to do freelance writing full-time, and apparently a lot of people think she’s going to fall on her @$$. What I love about Mandy is that she’s bold, so her response to those people was a big fat SO WHAT?

I don’t want to make a back up plan. I don’t want it to become THE plan as soon as things get tough and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want to struggle (a little). I want there to be times where I realize I need to hunker down and crank out some work if I want to pay my student loan. I want to make myself nauseous from the procrastination I’m doing to myself, and I want there to be days when I’m up until 4am finishing up work because I sat around all day reading blogs.

If I have complete security and comfort, which so many of us see as a level of “achievement,” like we’ve all suddenly reached our goals and can sit and be there and stay there, what am I going to get out of it besides the cash? What’s going to teach me, tempt me, freak me out, or make me squirm in discomfort? I know in the end we all want that feeling, but thinking of the day where I sit back and say “yep, this is it. This is where I’m at and how it’s going to be for the rest of like, ever…” makes me realize how I’m not ready to be there.

See? Bold. And brilliant. And totally going to rock the freelance thing.

Me, on the other hand… I compromised. I quit my job to write, but I got a safety net (a part-time job). Granted, it lets me spend a lot more time writing without making me a charity case, but sometimes I wish I were as fearless as Mandy.

(And sometimes I think I still will be… If 2010 isn’t the year, I think I’m going to have some tough decisions to make.)

Sigh.

In an attempt not to think (i.e., stress) about the snow, I’m going to work on a little story for Natalie’s contest. As much as I love her, I wasn’t sure I was going to participate, until Sonja brought up that I could think of both Natalie and Nathan’s contests as writing exercises and then post them here, like I did for my Kenyon Review workshop pieces. Since “exercises” are much less scary than “contest entries,” that’s what I’m going to do!

First up, my entry to Nathan’s contest:

Dear Diary,

Two minutes never felt so long.

While I sit on the toilet to wait (with the lid down, of course) I can’t help thinking of all the ways my life could be ended by a mere mathematical symbol. In two minutes, I’ll either see a plus or a minus. Suddenly tomorrow’s calculus test doesn’t seem so intimidating…

Read the rest of “Plus or minus” here.

Also, I recently had the honor of guest blogging on the Guide to Literary Agents website. My post “New Adult – What Is It?” went live yesterday, if you care to check that out. And greetings to any new readers who came here via there! New Readers=Fabulous.

1. I remember hiding in the bathroom at my best friend’s house, age 7 or 8, because I had made her upset and knew her father would be mad at me.
2. I remember the first time we fogged up the car windows.
3. I remember bringing the fat girl to the frat party.

These weren’t necessarily the first images or moments that came to mind, but they were the first memories that were full-bodied enough, interesting enough, meaningful enough, for me to want to put into words.

Anyone want to share 3 of their memories? First sentences are good enough for me, but I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you take the time to write them out for yourself. (And no, you don’t have to start with “I remember.” I just found that a helpful jump-start.)

So, what did I actually learn at the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop? Well, without divulging too much of the KRWW’s patented teaching techniques, let me see if I can give you an idea…

“If an idea strikes you as absurd, go for it.” – Geeta Kothari

Prompts are not the pointless, ineffective little monsters I thought they were.

“You’re always looking for trouble in fiction.” – Geeta Kothari

A story needs conflict/tension and stakes…

“Lists are your friend.” – Geeta Kothari

…and will benefit from objects, a ticking clock, and at least 3 characters.

“When you’re writing about big things, it’s best to focus on the trivia/trivial.” – Geeta Kothari

Write a story you can contain. Bigger is not always better.

“You cannot find the absent in the absence.” – Jason Gray
“There’s an art to everything, even leaving.” – Carl Phillips

Poets are so darn poetic!

“Editors read for reasons to quit reading.” – David Lynn

Getting published is tough noogies. But it’s not impossible!

That’s the week in a nutshell. OBVIOUSLY there was a lot more to it than that, but if it were that easily conveyed, they (a) wouldn’t be able to charge $2k for it, and (b) wouldn’t bother having a workshop. They’d just print the rules somewhere and celebrate because everyone would now rock at writing! Alas, you must go and experience for yourself.

(And by “alas” I mean “YAY!”)

Bottom line: if you’re trying to improve as a writer, but you don’t want to go back to school (or don’t know if you do), then I definitely recommend the KRWW.

I remember when I heard there were returning students, and I was all, “Seriously? But it’s so expensive! But we’re in the middle of nowhere! But there are no agents!” (Note: I’d only been on campus for approximately 17 minutes.) By the middle of the week I was wondering how many times I could return before they’d declare me unteachable and ban me for life.

People go back because it’s a fun, friendly environment that nurtures growth. Both concretely, through the classes, and abstractly, through the setting and community. Yes, it’s a little pricey, but I am now completely convinced of its worth. I mean, when else are you going to have the awesome editors/staff/writers of a top-tier literary magazine focused on you?!

(On that note, I’d like to say thanks and give a shout out to: Tyler M, Anna DR, Jay T, and David L! Geeta too, but she was my teacher so she already knows I love her.)

One thing to note is that the KRWW is different from many other writing workshops and conferences. It’s not about schmoozing. Yes, you’ll meet and “network” with the KR staff and the various workshop teachers (who are all published, respected writers and poets) but there are no agents, no editors, no pitch sessions. You don’t bring stories that you want to work on. The KRWW is about understanding and improving your instincts and process as a writer. You will produce a new (short) piece every day. If you can take the guidance and critiques, you will improve.

So just keep that in mind. I don’t have the experience to say that this approach is any better or worse than what the schmoozy workshops do. I think it’s just different. In some ways it’s less direct (you won’t meet your future agent) but in some ways it’s more so (because you can’t get an agent unless you write really well). Just think about what you need and want most at this point in your life/career, and whichever kind of workshop/conference you end up at, make sure you make the most of it.

Before I go into that, let me take a moment to thank my AWESOME guest bloggers. Pseudo, Floreta, and Andy, your posts were insightful, enjoyable, and all-around fabulous. Thank you so much for sharing your unique voices and thoughts. Hopefully this won’t be the last time!

Also, welcome to all the new readers! I’m flattered that you’ve chosen to stick around. Please make yourselves at home, and chime in whenever you want. We’re friendly around these parts.

…

Now, let’s talk about the writers boot camp workshop. I’ve promised not to give away all their trade secrets, but it really was an amazing week, and I’d like to share a few of my experiences.

First, welcome to Gambier, Ohio:

Um, yeah, that’s pretty much it. Like, the whole town. I mean, there are houses and stuff too, but this two-block square constitutes “downtown” Gambier. There’s a market, a bookstore, a couple restaurants, a post office, a clinic, and some campus administration buildings. There is NOT ONE SINGLE STREET LIGHT. When I first arrived and realized this was home for the next week, I wasn’t sure I’d make it. But by the end, I must confess: I was in love with little ole Gambier.

(The perfect weather didn’t hurt either. Even the one night it stormed was absolutely gorgeous, with dazzling lightning streaking the sky.)

This is Finn House, home base to the Kenyon Review:

After signing in, I dropped my stuff in the dorm and then went out to “orient” myself. Which was oh-so-hard to do in a two-block town… Needless to say, I had a little time to kill before the welcome dinner. Somehow I ended up at the happy hour for teachers and their assistants. Awk-ward. But everyone was friendly, so it turned out just fine.

At the welcome dinner, I decided to sit with students my age, and that pretty much determined the rest of my experience. Six of us bonded quickly, and in just a day or two we became known as “the posse.” Four of us were in the same class (Fiction for New Writers with Geeta Kothari — which ROCKED) and the other two were poets.

Here we are, hard at work in the bookstore after the first day of class.

The daily routine was: class in the morning (3 hrs), lunch, “free time” (i.e., goof off and then SCRAMBLE TO WRITE time), optional movie sessions, dinner, readings, and more “free time” (i.e., OMIGOD IT’S MIDNIGHT ALREADY? I ONLY HAVE 100 WORDS time).

Here’s the hilarious and adorable Rebecca McClanahan (who taught the Creative Non-Fiction workshop) giving her reading.

Gambier is a very dog-friendly place, so even though I was missing Riley something fierce, I had plenty of puppy love to divert my attention.

As the days passed, I found myself producing better work, but more slowly. Socializing may or may not have played a role in that… *halo* I plan to post some of what I wrote at the KRWW over the next few weeks, except the piece I chose to read because I’d like to get it published. If you’d like to hear it, though, my friends taped my reading. (Warning: audio is a little hard to hear.)

Thursday was probably the peak of the week. After that, the lack of sleep (6 hrs, 3 hrs, 5 hrs…) started to get us, and our writing too. Still, every day was a blast. It was like summer camp, in the sense that you know your time is limited so you bond and divulge far more quickly than you ever would under normal circumstances. I of course got teased for being lame. Joe even said, “You have the least street cred of anyone I have ever met.” Doh.

(Although if that puts me in the company of Taylor Swift, then maybe it’s not so bad. Check out “Thug Story” if you haven’t already! It’s hilarious.)

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. On Saturday we said our goodbyes, but we also celebrated our new friendships with one last hurrah.

As Zara said, “Things we are good at: writing. Things we suck at: jumping in unison.”

The posse, in order L to R: Adorable, General Druncle, Speedy, The Wildcard, Poet Laureate, and Grandma.

(All pictures from the week can be found here in my Flickr set.)

Another workshop participant, Kirsten Ogden, posted her (more poetic) take on the week at the Kenyon Review blog. One of the quotes is mine — can you guess which? (Angie and Mengfei aren’t allowed to play ’cause they’ve read the story!)

Nope, Riley has nothing to do with the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop. But I sure do miss him!

Anyway, I’m alive and well and writing/learning lots. More details when I return. (I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday, and at the same time only Wednesday…)

Coming up I’ve got one more guest blog, as well as the next episode of Twenty-Somewhere. So stay tuned!