Do you know how draining it is to not be angry when you are actually quite angry? Especially when the person you’re angry at isn’t a person at all, but a puppy, which means that you can’t explain to them why you’re upset and have the satisfaction of them apologizing. No, instead all you get are those darned cute puppy eyes that make you want to cuddle and strangle them at the same time.

Today Riley completely ignored my calls and commands and ran across the hill in our backyard toward three high school boys, one of whom lives next door. They had walked by a few minutes earlier and he’d barked at them — he’s currently in some new, really annoying barking phase where every person and noise outside our window sets him off like a warning siren — so I did my best to calm him down and show him that hey, those boys, they’re not so bad. They probably think they’re the sh*t because they’re on the soccer team at one of the elite high schools in the city, but you know, I’m sure they shower daily and brake for animals and do the dishes when their moms ask. So SHUT UP ALREADY!

Once he was quiet and the boys were about a hundred feet away, I opened the patio door and stepped outside, then called him to sit next to me and see that hey look, they’re still not so bad. And he said, hmm, you’re right, Mama, they’re not so bad. In fact, I’m going to go play with them. Bye!

And Mama said, HELL NO. But Riley didn’t listen. So Mama, shoeless, chased Riley all the way to where the boys were standing (no idea why) on the far end of the hill, calling his name and getting no response. Mama was not a big fan of looking like a hobo idiot with an out of control puppy, especially since said puppy was getting closer and closer to the road with every step.

Finally I saw a stick on the ground — and in Riley’s world, sticks are better than gold; too bad he’s not in charge of the economy right now — and used it to lure him back home. Then I promptly put him in his pen for a timeout. I’m sure he had no understanding of that punishment, but frankly, I needed a break from him for a little while. When I let him out, I pushed my anger aside and took him back outside to practice come-when-called, and he did a lot better, but I’m still annoyed and worried. And sort of laughing at myself, because just yesterday I told Mengfei, You know, I don’t think I could ever live without a dog.

HAH. Does someone want a painfully disobedient adorable puppy?

From A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf:

For masterpieces are not single and solitary births; they are the outcome of many years of thinking in common, of thinking by the body of the people, so that the experience of the mass is behind one single voice.

(Thanks to Mengfei for giving me this book. Woolf is hard to read, but given the number of Post-It flags sticking out from the pages, I’d say this is worth it.)