Dear Makers of Things That Smell Good To Dogs Even Though Dogs Really Should Not Eat Them

I hate you. My dog ought to hate you too, but he’s kind of dumb. Hence he eats your things. Hence he wakes me up at 4 AM. Hence we hurry half-asleep to the kitchen so he can vomit — a record 6 times. Hence I stay up another 2 hours worried that he’s going to get dehydrated and die. Hence I am miserable and zombie-like today.

No love AT ALL,

PS: Not that you care — because if you did, you wouldn’t make your things smell so damn good to dogs — but Riley is totally fine now. And I am going to take a nap.


  1. That seriously stinks and I’m glad your woofer is okay. I’m with you; something should be done to discourage poisoning animals with antifreeze and so many other smell-good products that don’t belong in stomachs.

  2. Dog is our friend that provide us a kind of happiness, I treat them like my brother because dog is man best friend and not a man dish…

  3. I was going to say something about dogs not being very smart when it comes to their stomachs, but then I started remembering all the things that I’ve eaten that I knew were going to make me sick but I ate them anyway. So I will simply say: I’m glad Riley is doing better, and I hope you got a good nap in.

  4. Oh no! Poor Riley. You two should curl up and snooze all day. Glad he’s ok now. Rocket sends his love and (mostly likely unwanted) kisses.

  5. Dogs love things that are bad for them! Chocolate has been trying to undo the canine population for generations.

    Glad that Riley is doing better.

  6. Thanks, everyone. He’s fine now. Thankfully his system has gotten pretty decent at regulating itself (out of necessity), and the stuff he ate (fertilizer) happened to be of the non-toxic variety.


    Riley was so low at that point that Rocket probably could have kissed him to his heart’s content. And if not, well, then I’ll take Rocket’s kisses! :)

  7. Aww, glad he is better. My sister’s dog’s name is Riley, too, btw. And now you’ve had a taste of what it’s like to have kids who wake you up in the middle of the night. Last night my two-year-old woke me up at 3 a.m. because she couldn’t find her dolly in her bed. ARGH!

  8. Oh yeah, this dog has definitely prepared me (us?) for kids. Granted, dogs are permanent toddlers, so he can’t really help us with ages 3+…

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